A: |
This
is one of the most commonly asked questions at our conferences. Unfortunately,
for many parents, it is the most dreaded, paralyzing, and tongue tying conversation
they will ever have with their child. It doesn’t have to be that way. God
created us as sexual beings and it is our responsibility, as well as our privilege
to prepare our children to enjoy this gift from God within the parameters of
His plan. We do this by taking the positive, biblical approach so well suggested
by Dr. Howard Hendricks when he said, “We should not be ashamed to discuss
what God was not ashamed to create.”
For more information on this topic there is a great resource we have available for you in our bookstore.  It’s
called How
and When to Talk to Your Kids about Sex. It does a great job of answering all of your questions – even ones you didn’t think to ask. It also gives you a good idea of what to say and when your child is ready to hear it based on the development level of your child.
The most important issue when it comes to telling your children
about sex is that you should tell them before the world system gets a chance
to. Satan wants first crack at them on this subject. That way, he can put all
of the lies, deceptions, and half-truths that lead to all of the insecurity that
plagues so many people throughout their life. If the parents are to tell the
children before the world does, then most likely you’ll be explaining sex
a whole lot earlier than you would have anticipated.
If we don’t lead the way, then we spend so much of the
rest of our time trying to deprogram our children from the affect of the lies
they’ve been told. Plus, by telling them first, we take so much of the
allure and mystery away from the subject that Satan often uses to mislead them.
Darcy and I (both) sat down with each child and explained sex to them just as
they were going into Kindergarten. If you are raising your kids in a more isolated
and controlled environment, you might get a couple of years more before you have
to explain it. But not much more than that. Plus, you have to keep in mind that
there is a natural curiosity within a lot of children that is not curtailed by
isolation.
It is not necessary to go into graphic detail. We simply explained
basic biology to them. We went on to say three more things. First, we told them
that God has made sex a wonderful part of married life—something fun and
pleasurable for a husband and wife. They have that to look forward to. Second:
Like all good things that God has made, Satan has tried to corrupt this gift.
He works overtime to deceive and destroy people in this area. That’s why
we wanted to inform them in advance so that they can know the truth. Lastly:
They’ll hear things along the way that might want to mislead them. Should
they have any questions about expressions they hear, words people say, or impressions
they receive from others about sex, simply ask either one of us and we’ll
explain it all in light of the truth. This makes the “sex talk” not
so much a single message to them at a point in time, but an on-going discussion
that can guide them throughout their childhood.
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